seriously, I have been THE WORST BLOGGER these past few days. and I do apologize for that. but as I said, things have been busy. but let's get right into business here.
Wednesday night and into Thursday morning was an interesting time. in the middle of my argument with M&M, I was on and off pof. I was getting tons of messages, but none of the guys really stood out to me.
yeah, that didn't happen with him. we clicked so fast and so seamlessly that we communicated in paragraphs. I didn't have to think. I didn't have to grasp. I just kept talking. and I was honest. I told him everything. he told me everything. we have very similar temperaments. he is romantic and sweet and funny and so smart and we have things in common. I have never had as many things in common with a guy before. he really seems like he's one of the good ones. the really good ones. we talked for two days straight. yesterday morning, I awoke positive and happy. I put on the romantic music. I woke the boys up & we all exchanged gifts. and I texted this guy (his code name is Casino, lolz. but maybe eventually, if he becomes important enough & permanent enough, you'll learn his real name). he told me that he would love to come and take me out the lunch for valentine's day, even though he had to work that night.
I was flabbergasted. he lives three whole hours away. he doesn't know me. he has no reason to drive 3 hours just to see me. but he wants to. and he does. he drives all that way. S surprised me right before I left & told me that instead of the hour I was expecting to spend with him, I now had several because she was going to pick up the boys and keep them. I was so nervous.
and it was so unnecessary. he showed up. he brought me a dozen roses & some chocolate. we had an incredible lunch. so many hilarious & silly things happened. the entire police force of my town happened to be sitting directly next to us. the owner of the restaurant dropped an entire tray of drinks right next to our booth. and we couldn't order for almost half an hour because we couldn't stop talking.
ohhh god, do you know how terrifying this is.. a real live, possible good man. who wants the same things as me. and is similar enough to me that it's wonderful, but not so similar i'm bored. what in the hell universe? where have you been hiding this one and why in the fuck has he taken so long to arrive? but then again, who the hell cares because he is here now!
we came back to my house and just hung out. there was kissing and cuddling, but absolutely zero sex. or sex-type activities. which makes the likelihood of this lasting even better! yes! go me!
my beautiful valentine gift
my yesterday morning outfit
my sweet boys
me and K. it was early.
hilarious attempted selfie. yeeeeeah.
the coffee cup my munchkins got me. look at those adorable half-closed eyes & that cute bedhead. I am so in love with myself lol.
my full valentine load from my boys. :))
but of course, when things go right in my life, it only means that something will soon be going wrong.
barbie and i were supposed to have a girl's night, but we both ended up having dates, so we decided to meet at the local bar for a drink instead. i didn't get there until 10:30 & i found the other member of our party. she was also the waitress who served Casino & I earlier. we shall call her C. her and I caught up, along with several of my other friends, including my (chosen) sister. I was having fun, even though I knew Lucky was there somewhere. when I finally found him, he hugged me & squeezed my hands & went in to kiss me then jerked away before screaming 'happy valentine's day'. he was drunk. like, super mega drunk.
a few minutes later, after I ordered a drink & put it on his tab, he came stumbling up and stood next to me at the bar, scooting closer and closer until he was all up in my space bubble. I just ignored him, like I always do, but that didn't stop my head from having alarm bells ringing like crazy. then he started talking. and then I understood. it was like puzzle pieces clicking in my brain.
"I heard you had a fantastic day. a date with an amazing guy."
I hadn't told him. on purpose, because of the whole weird jealous thing.
I hadn't told him. on purpose, because of the whole weird jealous thing.
"heard it was from plenty of fish. that's so great. it's great so great. so great for you."
what. wait. lucky is drunk. lucky only gets this drunk when he's upset. lucky found about my date. and about how amazing it was. and how happy it made me. and he got wasted. oh. oh no.
I told him yes, I had a date. yes it was amazing. this guy is really something. he's definitely a contender. that was apparently the wrong thing to say. the rest of the night he would come up to me and be all super close & lean in like he was going to kiss me, than back away and run off.
when the time was coming for the place to close and Barbie STILL had not shown up, I asked him how he was getting home. if he needed a ride to the house. he kept his eyes screwed shut. he wouldn't look at me. he told me he didn't a ride, thanks. I asked him why he wouldn't look at me, why he was being weird.
"i'm confused. i'm so confused."
I walked away. because what other choice do I have? there's an amazing guy who doesn't play games, doesn't want to hurt me or confuse me or lead me on. he tells me straight up that he likes me and wants to get to know me better. why on earth would I ruin that because Lucky is finally wising up that he missed out?
not even ten minutes later he was grinding on some lady. apparently she also happened to be his exgirlfriend. and they quickly escalated to making out and being attached at the hip. he left with her. and I felt crushed.
yeah, I should not give a shit. and if I did give any shits, it should be that he had the audacity to show his ass and be a jerk.
but you really cannot just stop caring about someone. it takes time. and distance. and distance I definitely am trying to establish.
he texted me last night. I never answered. then, this morning, I woke up to messages from Casino. they made me smile and feel happy. I responded and told him to get some sleep. he had just worked all night after driving here yesterday and spending time with me. I put my phone down and had just decided to try to sneak another hour of sleep. my phone beeped. I assumed it was him and I was gonna have to yell at him to go to bed. instead, it was lucky.
good morning. what's going on?
i threw my phone across the room and burst into tears. but..
I never answered. I did text Barbie though, to see if she was gonna come back by and pick up her flowers. she told me yes and said she'd be by shortly. when she arrived, she had Lucky with her.
goddamnit. I suffered through an hour with him peppering me with questions about Casino, showing his jealousy loud and clear. and when i called him on it, he got all flustered and changed the subject. when i finally locked the door behind him, i felt like i could breathe. but since then, I've been in a funk. my tiny human brain is not equipped to handle this bullshit. and this is what i have to look forward to if i choose Lucky.
if i choose Casino, I have the incredibly sweet, heart-melting, soul-lifting, sweet, smart, funny, kind, caring, respectful amazingness to look forward to.
my choice is incredibly clear. and to me, it looks like the beginning of a fantastic journey.
today i picked up my munchkins from my dad's, came back home, & now i'm watching bates motel on Netflix & getting ready to take a little nap with my boys.
toodles, my invisibles. toodles. <3
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