42.

so, group yesterday was pretty much the most uncomfortable thing ever. it's not even that anything really happened, I just felt so weird. I've pretty much decided I won't be going back. it's definitely not what I want to do. the whole time I sat in the waiting room, she was there, sighing and fidgeting. I never spoke a word to her, nor looked straight at her. I just couldn't. because the moment I did would be the moment I punched her in the face.

and I'm pretty sure it's not even because of what happened. it's because since that, I have taken sooo much shit without retaliating. or at least, without retaliating correctly. so all my pent up aggression would have just spewed out if I had looked at her. and then I would have killed someone for no reason. definitely not a good situation to be in.

today I've got to hop in the shower AS SOON AS I FINISH THIS because I actually have plans to hang out with the guy that had surgery Monday. we are gonna go for a drive and talk and hang out I reckon. seems like it might be a pretty chill day. and then tomorrow again, after I take all three boys to dad's for the night. woo!

my dad so very rarely takes the boys, so two weekends in one month is pretty astonishing.

only problem is that new fella is not the only one begging for my attention and time this weekend. Kramer has also been not so subtly begging me to come see him. I hate that I have to turn him down, I truly do, but I just can't go there again. I can't have a repeat of my last relationship. not gonna happen.

alright, I have to go get ready. i'm such a loser.

<3 toodles!